Some of the best impressions I've seen in a long time
Jewish comedian Ami Kozak is so spot-on here! All of the impressions he did here are too perfect. Wait until the end when he does President Trump!
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 30, 2025
Saturday, January 7, 2023
Bits and Bites > The Semi-Tragic Story of the Black Watch
Hopefully, those Scottish soldiers of legendary courage
will not accuse me of cultural appropriation.
The story goes:
I once had a watch with a black face, but I had to get rid of it as it kept reminding me of our Prime Minister.
Forgive me a little silliness as it seems necessary sometimes to maintain my sanity. That's assuming I have some sanity to begin with - a large assumption, not necessarily supported in reality.
GWM
Friday, August 27, 2021
Don't You Just Love Irony - German University's ‘DISCRIMINATORY’ Job Ad for ANTI-DISCRIMINATION Counselor
..
Whites need not apply? German university in hot water after ‘DISCRIMINATORY’
job ad for ANTI-DISCRIMINATION counselor
27 Aug, 2021 17:25
FILE PHOTO: The building of the Humboldt University of Berlin. © Global Look Press / Jens Kalaene
Berlin’s renowned Humboldt University has gotten in hot water after its Students Council published an ad for the position of anti-discrimination counselor. The ad was branded discriminatory as it discouraged whites from applying.
In late July, Humboldt University’s Students Council (AstA) announced it was looking for a person to fill the position of an “anti-discrimination” counselor to help students facing discrimination over “race, ethnicity or migrant background” starting from September 15.
The job ad never hid the fact that the counseling would be held on a “partial” basis that would be focused on the “needs and positions of a person seeking advice.” It also added that the goal was to create an atmosphere “in which those affected by racist discrimination feel comfortable to share their experiences.”
Yet, it apparently went a step too far when it openly said that such a goal would be best achieved only if “the counselor is… black or a person of color.” The Students Council also did not stop at this and openly added that it “asks the white people to refrain from applying for this counselor position.”
The issue was picked up by the German media on Thursday and quickly drew criticism from politicians. Adrian Grasse, a Berlin lawmaker, condemned the ad as a “clear violation” of Germany’s General Equal Treatment Act.
“The advertisement for an anti-discriminatory [counselor] position is itself discriminatory,” Grasse, who is a science policy spokesman for the Berlian parliamentary faction of the Chancellor Angela Merkel’s center-right CDU party, told the German media.
The politician also demanded that university President Sabine Kunst and Berlin’s Mayor Michael Mueller “immediately ensure” the “scandalous” job ad is “taken down.” “Conditions listed there, according to which people with white skin should not apply, are illegal and blatantly discriminatory,” Mueller told Germany’s Bild newspaper, adding that “racism must not be fought with racism.”
German MP Christoph de Vries, also a CDU member, slammed the controversial ad as well, saying that it violates the nation’s constitution. “In short, the job advertisement is racist and discriminatory,” he told Bild, calling the ad an example of the “excesses of the leftist identity politics” that are increasingly dividing German society.
The gravity of the issue reached such proportions that even Germany’ Federal Anti-Discrimination Agency had to take a stand on it. “In such a case, certain applicants must not be excluded from the onset,” the agency’s head, Bernhard Franke, told Bild.
Following the outcry, the university told the German media it was “expressly not in the interests” of the educational facility to discriminate against any people, regardless of their skin color, origin, gender, ideology or age. The university also said that it sees itself as a “place [of] plurality of opinions, mutual appreciation and respect.”
The university also said that it asked the student council to review the advertisement but denied any legal responsibility for the incident. The student body is technically an independent structure that is not subject to legal supervision by the university administration, a spokesman for the educational facility told Die Welt newspaper.
The Student Council itself did not comment on the scandal. Instead, it changed the ad on Thursday evening and removed the controversial passage discouraging whites from applying for the job. Now, the ad says that the “counseling work has shown” that its goals are “best achieved by people” who experienced racist discrimination themselves. It also says that the council wants to “particularly encourage” victims of racist discrimination to apply for this position.
A similar ad for another “anti-discrimination counselling” job published by the council in May still features a passage that says it is “desirable” that the future counselor have a “relevant background (is black or a person of color).”
Please don't write me nasty letters. I am not the least concerned about this issue; I just enjoy the irony.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Plagues of Siberia: Russian Arctic River Mysteriously Turns Blood-Red
Canada has a Red River which it shares with the USA, but I don't believe it has ever been literally red.
© krasnews / Instagram
A river outside Russia’s Arctic city of Norilsk has inexplicably turned blood-red, puzzling locals and prompting authorities to launch an investigation into the cause of the anomaly.
The Daldykan River near Norilsk in Siberia lost its natural color on Tuesday, as locals posted jaw-dropping images of the crimson river on social media.
Russia’s Ministry of Natural Resources and Ecology confirmed that it had received reports of river pollution “with an unidentified chemical substance,” saying there could have been an accident at the Norilsk Nickel plant, the world’s largest producer of nickel and palladium.
The plant’s administration denied these allegations, however, RIA Novosti news agency reports.
"As of today, the polar division of the [Norilsk Nickel] company cannot confirm any leakage or accidental discharge of industrial waste into the Daldykan River, which could have affected the river’s state,” the company said in a press release. Nonetheless, it has been decided that the plant will temporarily lower its operational capacity and monitor the state of the environment around the facility and in the affected area of the river.
Surprisingly, the plant’s press service told the news agency that the river’s color right now is actually its natural one.
It should be easy enough to figure out where it is coming from if you just follow the river upstream to where the colour starts.
Local emergencies service said they had not received any complaints about the river and have therefore not addressed the issue.
A state of emergency has not been declared, according to Norilsk mayor’s office, as the river does not contribute to the city’s water supply.
Russians maintain their sense of humour
Locals have been more inquisitive, however, and have enthusiastically suggested reasons for the color change, with some asking whether a new episode of The Crimson Rivers was being filmed in the area, while others have suggested that it’s high time to go fishing, as all of the fish could now pass for salmon. Others blame the mining plant, which locals call by the female name Nadezhda, saying it is having its time of the month.
Some noted that it’s not the first time they have come across such a strange phenomenon, saying that this effect occurs when the river washes out subsurface rock formations, which mostly consist of nickel and copper.
Norilsk I can find, but the Daldykan River I cannot find
© krasnews / Instagram
A river outside Russia’s Arctic city of Norilsk has inexplicably turned blood-red, puzzling locals and prompting authorities to launch an investigation into the cause of the anomaly.
The Daldykan River near Norilsk in Siberia lost its natural color on Tuesday, as locals posted jaw-dropping images of the crimson river on social media.
Russia’s Ministry of Natural Resources and Ecology confirmed that it had received reports of river pollution “with an unidentified chemical substance,” saying there could have been an accident at the Norilsk Nickel plant, the world’s largest producer of nickel and palladium.
The plant’s administration denied these allegations, however, RIA Novosti news agency reports.
"As of today, the polar division of the [Norilsk Nickel] company cannot confirm any leakage or accidental discharge of industrial waste into the Daldykan River, which could have affected the river’s state,” the company said in a press release. Nonetheless, it has been decided that the plant will temporarily lower its operational capacity and monitor the state of the environment around the facility and in the affected area of the river.
Surprisingly, the plant’s press service told the news agency that the river’s color right now is actually its natural one.
It should be easy enough to figure out where it is coming from if you just follow the river upstream to where the colour starts.
Local emergencies service said they had not received any complaints about the river and have therefore not addressed the issue.
A state of emergency has not been declared, according to Norilsk mayor’s office, as the river does not contribute to the city’s water supply.
Russians maintain their sense of humour
Locals have been more inquisitive, however, and have enthusiastically suggested reasons for the color change, with some asking whether a new episode of The Crimson Rivers was being filmed in the area, while others have suggested that it’s high time to go fishing, as all of the fish could now pass for salmon. Others blame the mining plant, which locals call by the female name Nadezhda, saying it is having its time of the month.
Some noted that it’s not the first time they have come across such a strange phenomenon, saying that this effect occurs when the river washes out subsurface rock formations, which mostly consist of nickel and copper.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Iran: Twelve and a Half Years in Prison for Posting Jokes on Facebook
Islam has no sense of humour and no sense of shame,
and certainly no freedom of speech
Soheil Babadi was arrested in 2012 for writing jokes on Facebook about Shiite Islam & has been in prison since. His appeal remains unheard after a year
Soheil Babadi, 39, was arrested on May 22, 2012, placed in solitary confinement and tortured, according to the International Campaign for Human Rights in Iran. Babadi had posted 10 jokes on the Facebook page the "Campaign to Remind Shiites About Imam Naghi" in 2011. The page posts satire on political and religious issues focused around the figure of Imam Naghi, the tenth imam or religious leader in Shiite thought.
Babdi says the post did not use any insulting words,” Babadi said in a letter written from prison. “A year later I was arrested by the IRGC’s [Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps] Intelligence Organization without a warrant and held in Ward 2-A, the IRGC’s exclusive detention center, and beaten and interrogated for 24 hours."
Babadi says the charges against him are as follows:
insulting the Prophet Mohammad
insulting the sacred
assembly and collusion
insulting the supreme leader
propaganda against the state
membership in a group planning to overthrow the state
acting against national security
“I was interrogated while blindfolded in the corner of a room,” he said in the letter. “The agent wanted me to confess to the charges against me, and when I refused he severely beat me. I was constantly under psychological pressure as the agents probed into my personal life and tried to accuse me of sexual relations with friends and relatives, even with my sister-in-law, and even of homosexual relations with one of my friends, Mostafa. But they didn’t succeed and kept me in solitary confinement for 225 days.”
Initially he was sentenced to five and a half years in prison, 74 lashes and two years in exile for "insulting the sacred" and "insulting President Ahmedinejad."
He was later sentenced to an additional seven years imprisonment for "assembly and collusion against national security” and “insulting the supreme leader." He filed an appeal a year ago, but the appeals court has not yet acted on it.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Hilarious Twitter Responses by Muslims to ISIS Urgent Plea
‘Maybe next week?’ Muslims troll ISIS’ ‘urgent’ call to arms on twitter
In a glaring rejection of Islamic State’s perverted vision of Islam, Muslims around the world have been mocking its call to arms with a barrage of hilarious comments since the terror group urged believers to “urgently” join the so-called “caliphate.”
In an audio message allegedly recorded by Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the self-proclaimed “caliph” of Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL), the terror leader spent some 24-minutes trying to convince its members that the group is feeling “better than ever” under increasing pressure from Russia and US-led airstrikes.
Anjum Rauf Meer @anjum_meer
I urgently call upon every Muslim to join in ridiculing Baghdadi and his group of idiots. https://twitter.com/iyad_elbaghdadi/status/680776223606333440 …
8:27 AM - 26 Dec 2015
119 Retweets 114 likes
Constant bombings and a fire storm from above (Thank you, Russia) has only “toughened” the organization and helped cleanse it of those unworthy, he claimed. However, apparently suffering severe human resource losses, he called upon Muslims around the globe to “urgently” join the terror group’s cause and become new recruits.
@SalmanSoz Salman Anees Soz Retweeted Iyad El-Baghdadi
Sorry #ISIS. This Muslim is just waking up. Needs coffee. Also, it's Christmas weekend family time. Run along now.
201 Retweets 222 likes
Quite predictably, it turned out that Muslims across the globe have many more exciting and urgent things to do. Rejecting the message IS has been attempting to spread and demonstrating that an overwhelming majority of Muslims follow Islam peacefully, hundreds laughed at Baghdadi’s message on social media.
Jay Zadeh @JayLikesIt
@iyad_elbaghdadi Sorry Amir al-Mushrikeen, I'm busy being a real Muslim, giving to charity etc. Also, your dental plan sucks. #GoatTeethISIS
9:27 AM - 27 Dec 2015
2 Retweets 2 likes
potato head @ozzypotato
@iyad_elbaghdadi too busy being part of a civilised and functioning society.
7:22 AM - 27 Dec 2015
Retweets 3 likes
An Emirati activist, Iyad el-Baghdadi, ironically also bearing the notorious name, received hundreds of funny and sarcastic responses after translating the terror group’s plea.
Emir Hamidović @xamidovic
@iyad_elbaghdadi damn dude.... I was on my way but then I saw the fuel prices. Send me money for fuel and I'm on my way.
8:59 AM - 27 Dec 2015
1 Retweet likes
Some cited travel restrictions and busy airports during the holiday season as reasons they couldn’t leave for Syria or Iraq right away.
George Norman @HelloGeorgeN
@iyad_elbaghdadi Sorry dudes. Christmas week. Flights all booked.
12:07 PM - 26 Dec 2015
Retweets 2 likes
radio_shak @radio_shak
Would do, but there's engineering work on the trains around London Bridge. Soz https://twitter.com/iyad_elbaghdadi/status/680776223606333440 …
9:19 AM - 26 Dec 2015
95 Retweets 99 likes
Others said that joining a group of lunatics was a low priority for them compared to watching TV series on Netflix or going to the movies to check out the new episode of Star Wars.
Ali @sak485
But then how will I watch all the upcoming Star Wars movies? Also I don't like hanging with murderous psychopaths https://twitter.com/iyad_elbaghdadi/status/680776223606333440 …
9:59 AM - 26 Dec 2015
46 Retweets 38 likes
Steven Hulme @HulmeSteven
@iyad_elbaghdadi @abzlove @vicky_fallon Bit busy watching "Abz on the Farm" on the iplayer, mate. Best of luck though, yeah?
11:57 AM - 27 Dec 2015
Retweets 2 likes
Menna منّØ© @TheMiinz
Too busy doing some Netflix related things. https://twitter.com/iyad_elbaghdadi/status/680776223606333440 …
7:43 AM - 27 Dec 2015
42 Retweets 48 likes
Reluctance to miss football matches or watch the UEFA Champions League final were other popular reasons to pass on the invitation.
Al @alfxy
Sorry bruv. Not until Liverpool wins the league. Then after that we have the Champions League. Raincheck? https://twitter.com/iyad_elbaghdadi/status/680776223606333440 …
7:24 AM - 27 Dec 2015 · Ulu Langat, Selangor, Malaysia
43 Retweets 36 likes
Some people wondered if IS could help them sort out urgent tasks first.
Dilshad Riaz Virk @DilshadRiaz
@iyad_elbaghdadi Ohh plz dude, not now. Very tight schedule these days.
5:25 AM - 27 Dec 2015
Retweets 1 like
Authoritarian parents and college classes were also among the obstacles preventing potential recruits from rushing to join the “murderous psychopaths.”
george_smith@1975 @georgesmith1975
@iyad_elbaghdadi I've got a note from my mum saying I don't need to
12:04 PM - 27 Dec 2015
Retweets likes
Guidance of God @guidanceofgod
@iyad_elbaghdadi My dad said I have to be home by 8pm. Will we be done by then?
8:13 AM - 27 Dec 2015
Retweets likes
A sink full of unwashed dishes and taking a pet to a vet, along with other small chores and errands, forced others to take a rain check and wonder if the offer would still be valid “next week.”
Umar Aftab Butt @documaraftab
@iyad_elbaghdadi sorry. Saw the tweet late. Next week, maybe?
1:44 PM - 26 Dec 2015
2 Retweets 5 likes
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Just When You Thought the World Couldn't Get Much Stranger...
'Losers with women' stage anti-Christmas rally
BAH, HUMBUG!
Japan - Anti-Christmas protesters calling themselves “Losers with Women” marched through Tokyo’s streets on Saturday, bashing the coming holiday as a capitalist ploy that also discriminates against singletons.
The group of about 20—part of the communist-inspired group that routinely protests Western holidays—marched under angry banners that read “Smash Christmas!” in Tokyo’s Shibuya district, where couples and families strolled for holiday shopping.
The scrooges—mostly single men—said they were against capitalism and were opposed to the commercialization of Christmas.
“In this world, money is extracted from people in love, and happy people support capitalism,” said the head of the organization, formally called Kakumeiteki Hi-mote Domei, or the Revolutionary Losers’ League.
“Christmas is the most symbolic event for this,” he added.
 |
| Shibuya district, Tokyo |
“Unpopular men, who don’t have a girlfriend or are not married, are overly discriminated. We want to break this barrier,” he told Agence France-Presse amid the shouting protesters.
In Japan, Christmas is not an official holiday and is mostly celebrated informally as a romantic event for couples, while New Year’s Day is an occasion for family reunion.
The Christian population remains small in the Asian country, stores offer special holiday sales and people decorate Christmas trees at home.
The group had held past marches to denounce imported Western holidays, including rallies against Valentine’s Day.
Great idea guys. Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Rex Murphy: The High Church of Global Warming - Priceless
Rex Murphy, National Post
As this edition of the Post hits the stands, the great Conclave of Catastrophists in Paris will have concluded. The last goose will gladly have surrendered its swollen liver — foie gras does not come without exertion — to the last epicure environmentalist. We have been told that the French did not stint on lending all the arts of its fabled cuisine to assist the Great Deliberators. State dinners took on something of the largesse and abundance last recorded by Gibbon in his descriptions of the Emperor Heliogabalus, who is reputed to have served up the tongues of hummingbirds, peacock brains and mice sauteed in honey, to the jaded appetites of his decadent court.
The reference here to far earlier times is not accidental or flip. Just as in the early centuries of Christianity, when the patristic Fathers struggled with various heresies and sought to stabilize the dogmas of the then-nascent Faith, held their great Councils to parse the finer points of esoteric doctrine, the Parisian analogue gave itself over to even more subtle ruminations: whether, for example, it was best to “commit” to ensuring the planet’s temperature doesn’t rise more than 1.5 degrees by the year 2100, or whether it was best merely to hold the thermometer to a more expansive two degrees.
How much mental energy must have been expanded over that winsome 0.5 degrees, 80 years down the road? The subtleties involved, the logical intricacies deployed, would have outpaced Aquinas and sent poor Augustine to bed early with a migraine. However, the modern monks of the High Church of Global Warming have resources that the early philosophers and theologians could not even dream of — they have computer models that dance in the direction wished of them.
Paris climate talks enter overtime as diplomats clash over cost of fighting global warming
And when what they deliciously refer to as the “settled science” does not serve their needs, they have always about them the ancient texts of Earth in the Balance by Reverend Al Gore, or the early press releases of the Dun Scotus of Global Warming, Cardinal Emeritus George Monbiot.
And where the scholiasts of old, wrestling with imperfect transcriptions and dubious translations of Holy Scripture had only prayer to guide them on the knotty questions of global warming — such as how many polar bears can dance on the edge of an ice floe — the priests of Climatology can always consult the Oracles of Greenpeace and the Sierra Club; or when in deeper need — say on the relationship between the decline of the coral reefs and bovine flatulence — refer to the obiter dicta of Bishops Tutu or Suzuki, on which matters such authorities speak with a Truth beside which that of Scripture is a mere contrail.
Not having been in Paris myself, I cannot speak of how they marked the end of their tormented consultations, whether they wafted a few puffs of invisible carbon dioxide over the steeple of the Eiffel Tower, or burnt a few outdated physics texts to mark the beginning of the new era their meeting signified. But they surely could not have ended without pointing to the example — the evidence-based example I should stress — of what happens when governments take the Dogma of New Green seriously.
The experience of Ontario, as underscored by the very timely report of its auditor general — released as the great Throng was chewing over these very questions — had to have been an inspiration and a comfort. For Ontario provides, as it were, a case-study of what happens to reason and policy when a government truly gives itself over to the new Meditations. Ontario as all the world knows went Green with fervour, with former premier Dalton McGuinty and his successor, Premier Kathleen Wynne, fancying themselves something of the Copernicus and Tycho Brahe of the New Green Learning. And was it not learned from the auditor general that their great dive into a solar and wind powered future has cost the innocent citizens of Ontario a mere $37 billion more than it should have, which could give rise to another, extra $133 billion by 2032?
If one wishes to learn the true value of what a commitment to the New Learning actually involved, then Ontario is both laboratory and experiment. By what fraction of a degree did the world’s temperature actually lower itself — was it 0.01 per cent, 0.001 per cent or any fractional mite in between? — for that $37 billion?
Could it even be — Heresy of Heresies — that maybe the global temperature moved not at all, or — Good Gore, save us — went upwards? We cannot know, for it is the nature of this subject that substantive answers are never possible nor welcome. When dealing with the “airy subtleties” of the new Faith, we must settle for ignorance, but as long as it is for the Great Cause, as long as 50,000 can jet to Paris, Rio or Beijing annually, who cares that we have no certainty? As long as the faith holds, there is no call for certainties.
Save the one more important than all the rest: the idea that the vastly imperfect governments of this world, who between them cannot guarantee anything six months out, can speak with serene confidence on the Whole Atmosphere of our Great Dynamic Planet nearly 100 years from now?
I do not wish to end on a cynical turn here. There has been on undeniable improvement wrought from this great Conclave. St. Leonardo di Caprio, patron spirit of The Yachts of the Monaco Basin, learned for the first time this week that there is such a thing as a chinook. So we now know that there is a least one fact in that well-photographed head of his, and that probably makes it superior to many of those other heads that met so urgently in Paris.
National Post
 |
| U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, right, walks with advisors at the Paris climate conference |
The reference here to far earlier times is not accidental or flip. Just as in the early centuries of Christianity, when the patristic Fathers struggled with various heresies and sought to stabilize the dogmas of the then-nascent Faith, held their great Councils to parse the finer points of esoteric doctrine, the Parisian analogue gave itself over to even more subtle ruminations: whether, for example, it was best to “commit” to ensuring the planet’s temperature doesn’t rise more than 1.5 degrees by the year 2100, or whether it was best merely to hold the thermometer to a more expansive two degrees.
How much mental energy must have been expanded over that winsome 0.5 degrees, 80 years down the road? The subtleties involved, the logical intricacies deployed, would have outpaced Aquinas and sent poor Augustine to bed early with a migraine. However, the modern monks of the High Church of Global Warming have resources that the early philosophers and theologians could not even dream of — they have computer models that dance in the direction wished of them.
Paris climate talks enter overtime as diplomats clash over cost of fighting global warming
And when what they deliciously refer to as the “settled science” does not serve their needs, they have always about them the ancient texts of Earth in the Balance by Reverend Al Gore, or the early press releases of the Dun Scotus of Global Warming, Cardinal Emeritus George Monbiot.
And where the scholiasts of old, wrestling with imperfect transcriptions and dubious translations of Holy Scripture had only prayer to guide them on the knotty questions of global warming — such as how many polar bears can dance on the edge of an ice floe — the priests of Climatology can always consult the Oracles of Greenpeace and the Sierra Club; or when in deeper need — say on the relationship between the decline of the coral reefs and bovine flatulence — refer to the obiter dicta of Bishops Tutu or Suzuki, on which matters such authorities speak with a Truth beside which that of Scripture is a mere contrail.
Not having been in Paris myself, I cannot speak of how they marked the end of their tormented consultations, whether they wafted a few puffs of invisible carbon dioxide over the steeple of the Eiffel Tower, or burnt a few outdated physics texts to mark the beginning of the new era their meeting signified. But they surely could not have ended without pointing to the example — the evidence-based example I should stress — of what happens when governments take the Dogma of New Green seriously.
If one wishes to learn the true value of what a commitment
to the New Learning actually involved, then Ontario is both laboratory and experiment
The experience of Ontario, as underscored by the very timely report of its auditor general — released as the great Throng was chewing over these very questions — had to have been an inspiration and a comfort. For Ontario provides, as it were, a case-study of what happens to reason and policy when a government truly gives itself over to the new Meditations. Ontario as all the world knows went Green with fervour, with former premier Dalton McGuinty and his successor, Premier Kathleen Wynne, fancying themselves something of the Copernicus and Tycho Brahe of the New Green Learning. And was it not learned from the auditor general that their great dive into a solar and wind powered future has cost the innocent citizens of Ontario a mere $37 billion more than it should have, which could give rise to another, extra $133 billion by 2032?
If one wishes to learn the true value of what a commitment to the New Learning actually involved, then Ontario is both laboratory and experiment. By what fraction of a degree did the world’s temperature actually lower itself — was it 0.01 per cent, 0.001 per cent or any fractional mite in between? — for that $37 billion?
Could it even be — Heresy of Heresies — that maybe the global temperature moved not at all, or — Good Gore, save us — went upwards? We cannot know, for it is the nature of this subject that substantive answers are never possible nor welcome. When dealing with the “airy subtleties” of the new Faith, we must settle for ignorance, but as long as it is for the Great Cause, as long as 50,000 can jet to Paris, Rio or Beijing annually, who cares that we have no certainty? As long as the faith holds, there is no call for certainties.
Save the one more important than all the rest: the idea that the vastly imperfect governments of this world, who between them cannot guarantee anything six months out, can speak with serene confidence on the Whole Atmosphere of our Great Dynamic Planet nearly 100 years from now?
I do not wish to end on a cynical turn here. There has been on undeniable improvement wrought from this great Conclave. St. Leonardo di Caprio, patron spirit of The Yachts of the Monaco Basin, learned for the first time this week that there is such a thing as a chinook. So we now know that there is a least one fact in that well-photographed head of his, and that probably makes it superior to many of those other heads that met so urgently in Paris.
National Post
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Abbotsford's Worst Drivers Offer Plenty of Excuses to Police
My home-town police are among the best in Canada despite the occasional wing-nut. Thought you might enjoy these.
In an effort to raise awareness about safe driving, Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada police are tweeting throughout the week a list of the top 20 worst driving excuses officers have heard when pulling over motorists who are breaking the law in B.C.
Below are some of the excuses given to police officers by drivers that have been pulled over during the last 12 months.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver - I was speeding because my hemorrhoids bother me when I sit. #abbypd - Sorry, you'll be sitting longer now.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Speeding Driver - It is an emergency. My husband called and the baby's crying. Heading home to calm them both down!
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Drunk driver jumps into #abbypd car thinking it's a cab. "Get me outta here buddy, cops are everywhere tonight!"
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver- This is my 1st ticket ever! #abbypd - Except for the 1 I gave you for running the same stop sign 2 weeks ago.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver - I wasn't on the phone, you're mistaken. #abbypd - It's still in your hand. Driver - You're still mistaken!
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Shirtless speeder on motorcycle wearing Crocs and a bicycle helmet - "It's too hot for anything else!" #Seriously?
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver pulled over after windshield clearing fail - I wasn't trying to see the whole road, just the part I was using.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Impaired man learns his sidewalk-driving, riding lawnmower is being impounded. "The joke's on you! I have another one"
In an effort to raise awareness about safe driving, Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada police are tweeting throughout the week a list of the top 20 worst driving excuses officers have heard when pulling over motorists who are breaking the law in B.C.
Below are some of the excuses given to police officers by drivers that have been pulled over during the last 12 months.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver - I was speeding because my hemorrhoids bother me when I sit. #abbypd - Sorry, you'll be sitting longer now.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Speeding Driver - It is an emergency. My husband called and the baby's crying. Heading home to calm them both down!
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Drunk driver jumps into #abbypd car thinking it's a cab. "Get me outta here buddy, cops are everywhere tonight!"
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver- This is my 1st ticket ever! #abbypd - Except for the 1 I gave you for running the same stop sign 2 weeks ago.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver - I wasn't on the phone, you're mistaken. #abbypd - It's still in your hand. Driver - You're still mistaken!
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Shirtless speeder on motorcycle wearing Crocs and a bicycle helmet - "It's too hot for anything else!" #Seriously?
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Driver pulled over after windshield clearing fail - I wasn't trying to see the whole road, just the part I was using.
Abbotsford Police ✔@AbbyPoliceDept
Impaired man learns his sidewalk-driving, riding lawnmower is being impounded. "The joke's on you! I have another one"
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Muslim Principal in Australia: ISIS a Jewish Conspiracy, Girls Who Run Lose Their Virginity
by Daniel Greenfield
Frontpage Mag
April 25, 2015
Meet Omar, a moderate Muslim principal, who took a firm stand against ISIS… as an American/Jewish conspiracy.
A principal has claimed radicalisation is not a problem at his Islamic school because he tells pupils that the Islamic State death cult is manufactured by Western countries.
Finally. We kept hearing that ISIS was un-Islamic. That’s because it’s really American.
The principal’s belief that IS is simply a plot caused by Israel and America stems from his theory that the terrorists use ‘shiny new equipment’.
A spokesman for the Islamic Friendship Association of Australia Keysar Trad told Fairfax Radio on Monday the principal was just trying to discourage young people from joining the terror group.
Don’t join ISIS. It’s got Jewish cooties. Also don’t run.
Girls at Al-Taqwa College have been banned from running at sporting events because the principal believes it may cause them to lose their virginity, former teachers claim.
It follows revelations in The Age last month that the principal of the Islamic school, Omar Hallak, told students that Islamic State was a plot by Western countries.
Also running is a plot by Western countries.
Obviously, sanity is not a requirement to be a principal at an Islamic school. But then, I think we already knew that.
Daniel Greenfield, a Shillman Journalism Fellow at the Freedom Center, is a New York writer focusing on radical Islam. He is completing a book on the international challenges America faces in the 21st century.
Frontpage Mag
April 25, 2015
Now you don’t have to go to Saudi Arabia to be in Saudi Arabia. You can stay in Australia, America or Canada and the insanity will come to you
Meet Omar, a moderate Muslim principal, who took a firm stand against ISIS… as an American/Jewish conspiracy.
A principal has claimed radicalisation is not a problem at his Islamic school because he tells pupils that the Islamic State death cult is manufactured by Western countries.
Finally. We kept hearing that ISIS was un-Islamic. That’s because it’s really American.
The principal’s belief that IS is simply a plot caused by Israel and America stems from his theory that the terrorists use ‘shiny new equipment’.
A spokesman for the Islamic Friendship Association of Australia Keysar Trad told Fairfax Radio on Monday the principal was just trying to discourage young people from joining the terror group.
Don’t join ISIS. It’s got Jewish cooties. Also don’t run.
Girls at Al-Taqwa College have been banned from running at sporting events because the principal believes it may cause them to lose their virginity, former teachers claim.
It follows revelations in The Age last month that the principal of the Islamic school, Omar Hallak, told students that Islamic State was a plot by Western countries.
Also running is a plot by Western countries.
Obviously, sanity is not a requirement to be a principal at an Islamic school. But then, I think we already knew that.
Daniel Greenfield, a Shillman Journalism Fellow at the Freedom Center, is a New York writer focusing on radical Islam. He is completing a book on the international challenges America faces in the 21st century.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Another Indian Wedding Fail as Groom Didn't Add-up
This is the third great Indian wedding story in the past month
In February, an Indian bride married a guest when her groom had an epileptic fit at the altar. The day before, a rejected bride in a flimsily arranged marriage started a hunger strike outside her 'wouldn't-be' in-laws home.
BBC
An Indian bride has walked out of her wedding after her bridegroom-to-be failed to solve a simple maths problem, according to police in Uttar Pradesh.
The bride asked the groom to add 15 and six. When he replied 17, she called off the marriage.
Reports say the groom's family tried to convince the bride to return, but she refused saying the man was illiterate.
Local police said they mediated between the families, and both sides returned all the gifts given before the wedding.
Most marriages in India are arranged by the families, and it is common for a bride and groom to get married without spending time in each other's company.
A police official of Rasoolabad village where the incident happened told BBC Hindi that local resident Mohar Singh had fixed his daughter Lovely's wedding to a man called Ram Baran.
"But just before the marriage ceremony Lovely came to know that Ram Baran is illiterate and she refused to marry," he said.
Mohar Singh told the Associated Press news agency that the "groom's family had kept us in the dark about his poor education".
"Even a first grader can answer this [the maths test]," he said.
Last month, another bride in Uttar Pradesh married a guest at her wedding after her groom-to-be had a seizure and collapsed.
Reports said the groom was epileptic and he had kept the information from the bride and her family.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
House for Sale, Comes With Wife
In a story that brings to mind the joke about the old man who advertised in a paper, "Looking for wife with a boat. Send picture of boat!" comes this fascinating story from Indonesia. I can't decide if she is using herself to sell the house, or the house to find a husband.
AFPPublished: 14:14 March 11, 2015Gulf News
Sleman, Indonesia: An advert for a house in Indonesia has gone viral online after the woman selling it offered to throw in an unusual extra feature for free — her hand in marriage.
The internet ad reads for the most part like a regular house listing, saying that the single-storey property has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a parking space and a fish pond.
But it also proposes to buyers a “rare offer” - “when you buy this house, you can ask the owner to marry you”, alongside a picture of Wina Lia, a 40-year-old widow and beauty salon owner, leaning against a car in front of the house.
The ad said that terms and conditions apply, and notes the offer is “for serious buyers and non-negotiable”. The house in Sleman, on the island of Java, is on the market for 999 million rupiah (about $76,000 USD).
News of the offer quickly spread among internet users in social media-crazy Indonesia.
Boldies99, a user on popular online forum Kaskus, said Lia was “quite smart — even though the house will be sold, she will remain the owner.”
Lia said she was “shocked at the reaction”, as she had been overwhelmed by journalists coming to interview her, and even the police in the conservative, Muslim-majority country had been asking questions.
The police “came to verify the news as they consider it as an improper advertisement. But I explained to them that it was not my idea,” she said.
The mother of two explained that she had asked a friend who was a property agent to help her find a buyer — and in the process a husband — but she had expected him to pass on the news to a limited number of people, not put an ad online.
“I told a friend of mine who also works as property agent that if there is a buyer who is a single man or a widower who wants to buy a house, and at the same time look for a wife, he can let me know as I’m also a widow,” she said.
She added that there was only one potential buyer, who had visited on Wednesday, but refused to give further details.
So delightful that she has the sense of humour to roll with it rather than bursting a gut. I expect she will get offers from all over the planet now.
Realty ad says terms and conditions apply, and notes the offer is “for serious buyers and non-negotiable”
AFPPublished: 14:14 March 11, 2015Gulf News
 |
| The single mother’s only want, now is to meet her soulmate, according to an ad posted online. Image Credit: Wina Lia |
The internet ad reads for the most part like a regular house listing, saying that the single-storey property has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a parking space and a fish pond.
But it also proposes to buyers a “rare offer” - “when you buy this house, you can ask the owner to marry you”, alongside a picture of Wina Lia, a 40-year-old widow and beauty salon owner, leaning against a car in front of the house.
The ad said that terms and conditions apply, and notes the offer is “for serious buyers and non-negotiable”. The house in Sleman, on the island of Java, is on the market for 999 million rupiah (about $76,000 USD).
News of the offer quickly spread among internet users in social media-crazy Indonesia.
Boldies99, a user on popular online forum Kaskus, said Lia was “quite smart — even though the house will be sold, she will remain the owner.”
Lia said she was “shocked at the reaction”, as she had been overwhelmed by journalists coming to interview her, and even the police in the conservative, Muslim-majority country had been asking questions.
The police “came to verify the news as they consider it as an improper advertisement. But I explained to them that it was not my idea,” she said.
The mother of two explained that she had asked a friend who was a property agent to help her find a buyer — and in the process a husband — but she had expected him to pass on the news to a limited number of people, not put an ad online.
“I told a friend of mine who also works as property agent that if there is a buyer who is a single man or a widower who wants to buy a house, and at the same time look for a wife, he can let me know as I’m also a widow,” she said.
She added that there was only one potential buyer, who had visited on Wednesday, but refused to give further details.
So delightful that she has the sense of humour to roll with it rather than bursting a gut. I expect she will get offers from all over the planet now.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Canadian Sniper Will Crush American Sniper at Box Office
What would American Sniper look like if it was set in Canada? Well, the villain would be a "gosh-darned" moose and the hero would gulp down maple syrup by the bottle.
That's the vision realized in the Canadian Sniper parody video produced by comedy duo Jeff Ayars and Dan Rosen, otherwise known as Cannibal Milkshake.
While it's Clint Eastwood's film about U.S. sniper Chris Kyle that's up for best picture at the Oscars Sunday night, it was Canadian Sniper racking up accolades online before the awards show.
Watch the trailer
Monday, December 29, 2014
Creation Without God, or Anything Else, a Musical Adventure
Some physicists think our entire cosmos
may have sprung out of nothing at all
In the post immediately below, Eric Metaxes makes a case for God by using recent scientific findings. In the interest of fair play and the search for the ultimate truth, below is a presentation by BBC's Robert Adler using recent scientific findings, or theories, to explain how the universe(s) came into being from absolutely nothing.
I invite you to read both articles and compare them, then draw your own conclusions if you wish. I suggest humming Air Supply's 'Making Love out of Nothing at All' while reading this.
People have wrestled with the mystery of why the universe exists for thousands of years. Pretty much every ancient culture came up with its own creation story - most of them leaving the matter in the hands of the gods - and philosophers have written reams on the subject. But science has had little to say about this ultimate question. Just want to point out that this statement presupposes that man created God, not the other way about.
However, in recent years a few physicists and cosmologists have started to tackle it. They point out that we now have an understanding of the history of the universe, and of the physical laws that describe how it works. That information, they say, should give us a clue about how and why the cosmos exists.
Their admittedly controversial answer is that the entire universe, from the fireball of the Big Bang to the star-studded cosmos we now inhabit, popped into existence from nothing at all. It had to happen, they say, because "nothing" is inherently unstable.
I'm trying to be fair here, but doesn't that strike you as being a most ridiculous statement? Nothing is nothing! For something to have the characteristic of instability, it would have to be 'something', surely. Nothing, by definition, can have no characteristics!
Wikipedia - Nothingness is the state of being nothing, the state of nonexistence of anything, or the property of having nothing.
This idea may sound bizarre, or just another fanciful creation story. But the physicists argue that it follows naturally from science's two most powerful and successful theories: quantum mechanics and general relativity.
Here, then, is how everything could have come from nothing.
Particles from empty space
First we have to take a look at the realm of quantum mechanics. This is the branch of physics that deals with very small things: atoms and even tinier particles. It is an immensely successful theory, and it underpins most modern electronic gadgets.
Quantum mechanics tells us that there is no such thing as empty space. Even the most perfect vacuum is actually filled by a roiling cloud of particles and antiparticles, which flare into existence and almost instantaneously fade back into nothingness.
These so-called virtual particles don't last long enough to be observed directly, but we know they exist by their effects. But where do they come from? If these invisible particles exist, then nothing is no longer nothing and you are no longer dealing with the creation of the universe. You have to deal with where those sub-atomic particles came from to get to the genesis of the universe.
Space-time, from no space and no time
From tiny things like atoms, to really big things like galaxies. Our best theory for describing such large-scale structures is general relativity, Albert Einstein's crowning achievement, which sets out how space, time and gravity work.
Relativity is very different from quantum mechanics, and so far nobody has been able to combine the two seamlessly. However, some theorists have been able to bring the two theories to bear on particular problems by using carefully chosen approximations. For instance, this approach was used by Stephen Hawking at the University of Cambridge to describe black holes.
In quantum physics, if something is not forbidden, it necessarily happens
One thing they have found is that, when quantum theory is applied to space at the smallest possible scale, space itself becomes unstable. Rather than remaining perfectly smooth and continuous, space and time destabilize, churning and frothing into a foam of space-time bubbles.
Here, again, we are no longer dealing with nothing, but 'space' that is filled with 'a roiling cloud of particles and antiparticles'.
In other words, little bubbles of space and time can form spontaneously. "If space and time are quantized, they can fluctuate," says Lawrence Krauss at Arizona State University in Tempe. "So you can create virtual space-times just as you can create virtual particles."
What's more, if it's possible for these bubbles to form, you can guarantee that they will. "In quantum physics, if something is not forbidden, it necessarily happens with some non-zero probability," says Alexander Vilenkin of Tufts University in Boston, Massachusetts.
A universe from a bubble
OK, time to change songs to Don Ho's 'Tiny Bubbles'
So it's not just particles and antiparticles that can snap in and out of nothingness: bubbles of space-time can do the same. Still, it seems like a big leap from an infinitesimal space-time bubble to a massive universe that hosts 100 billion galaxies. Surely, even if a bubble formed, it would be doomed to disappear again in the blink of an eye?
If all the galaxies are flying apart, they must once have been close together
Actually, it is possible for the bubble to survive. But for that we need another trick: cosmic inflation.
 |
| "Tiny bubbles in the wine" |
Inflation theory proposes that in the immediate aftermath of the Big Bang, the universe expanded much faster than it did later. This seemingly outlandish notion was put forward in the 1980s by Alan Guth at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and refined by Andrei Linde, now at Stanford University.
As weird as it seems, inflation fits the facts
The idea is that, a fraction of a second after the Big Bang, the quantum-sized bubble of space expanded stupendously fast. In an incredibly brief moment, it went from being smaller than the nucleus of an atom to the size of a grain of sand. When the expansion finally slowed, the force field that had powered it was transformed into the matter and energy that fill the universe today. Guth calls inflation "the ultimate free lunch".
As weird as it seems, inflation fits the facts rather well. In particular, it neatly explains why the cosmic microwave background, the faint remnant of radiation left over from the Big Bang, is almost perfectly uniform across the sky. If the universe had not expanded so rapidly, we would expect the radiation to be patchier than it is.
 |
| cosmic gravity |
Where's Columbus when you need him?
Inflation also gave cosmologists the measuring tool they needed to determine the underlying geometry of the universe. It turns out this is also crucial for understanding how the cosmos came from nothing.
Einstein's theory of general relativity tells us that the space-time we live in could take three different forms. It could be as flat as a table top. It could curve back on itself like the surface of a sphere, in which case if you travel far enough in the same direction you would end up back where you started. Alternatively, space-time could curve outward like a saddle. So which is it?
There is a way to tell. You might remember from maths class that the three angles of a triangle add up to exactly 180 degrees. Actually your teachers left out a crucial point: this is only true on a flat surface. If you draw a triangle on the surface of a balloon, its three angles will add up to more than 180 degrees. Alternatively, if you draw a triangle on a surface that curves outward like a saddle, its angles will add up to less than 180 degrees.
So to find out if the universe is flat, we need to measure the angles of a really big triangle. That's where inflation comes in. It determined the average size of the warmer and cooler patches in the cosmic microwave background. Those patches were measured in 2003, and that gave astronomers a selection of triangles. As a result, we know that on the largest observable scale our universe is flat.
It may not look flat...
It turns out that a flat universe is crucial. That's because only a flat universe is likely to have come from nothing.
Everything that exists, from stars and galaxies to the light we see them by, must have sprung from somewhere. We already know that particles spring into existence at the quantum level, so we might expect the universe to contain a few odds and ends. But it takes a huge amount of energy to make all those stars and planets.
The energy of matter is exactly balanced by the energy of the gravity the mass creates
Where did the universe get all this energy? Bizarrely, it may not have had to get any. That's because every object in the universe creates gravity, pulling other objects toward it. This balances the energy needed to create the matter in the first place.
Ummm! Doesn't the creation of 'every object' have to precede the gravity it creates? Therefore the energy to create has to precede gravity, and gravity cannot be used as a function of creation, but rather is a consequence of it.
It's a bit like an old-fashioned measuring scale. You can put a heavy weight on one side, so long as it is balanced by an equal weight on the other. In the case of the universe, the matter goes on one side of the scale, and has to be balanced by gravity.
Physicists have calculated that in a flat universe the energy of matter is exactly balanced by the energy of the gravity the mass creates. But this is only true in a flat universe. If the universe had been curved, the two sums would not cancel out.
Universe or multiverse?
At this point, making a universe looks almost easy. Quantum mechanics tells us that "nothing" is inherently unstable, so the initial leap from nothing to something may have been inevitable. Then the resulting tiny bubble of space-time could have burgeoned into a massive, busy universe, thanks to inflation. As Krauss puts it, "The laws of physics as we understand them make it eminently plausible that our universe arose from nothing - no space, no time, no particles, nothing that we now know of."
So why did it only happen once? If one space-time bubble popped into existence and inflated to form our universe, what kept other bubbles from doing the same?
There could be a mind-boggling smorgasbord of universes
Linde offers a simple but mind-bending answer. He thinks universes have always been springing into existence, and that this process will continue forever.
When a new universe stops inflating, says Linde, it is still surrounded by space that is continuing to inflate. That inflating space can spawn more universes, with yet more inflating space around them. So once inflation starts it should make an endless cascade of universes, which Linde calls eternal inflation. Our universe may be just one grain of sand on an endless beach.
OK, cue the Beachboys...
 |
| Stephen's Quartet |
So there could be a mind-boggling smorgasbord of universes. Linde says eternal inflation is not just the ultimate free lunch: it is the only one at which all possible dishes are available.
As yet we don't have hard evidence that other universes exist. But either way, these ideas give a whole new meaning to the phrase "Thanks for nothing".
We hope you've enjoyed the concert. If the rest of it makes any sense to you, I would like to know why.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Chilean Vigilantes Have Sense of Humor
Mob justice ruled Santiago, Chile Wednesday as a thief was seized, stripped and trussed up by residents of the capital.
The young male was in the process of robbing an elderly man at knifepoint when nearby Santiagueños intervened and took a peculiar form of revenge.
In scenes recalling the public stocks of old, social media was abuzz with pictures of the unfortunate robber, branded “flaite” (“white trash”) by Twitter users. Stripped near-naked, he was tied to a lamppost and exposed to the mockery of passersby.
“This ‘flaite’ assaulted and put a knife to an old man’s neck. He struggled, but a group of men grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground,” one witness told press.
“They took the knife off him, slashed his clothes and tied him to a pole with plastic,” she added.
A crowd soon assembled and tweeted triumphant photos and jibes, with the Carabineros — Chile’s uniformed police — taking over 20 minutes to arrive on the scene.
“I feel proud of people today,” tweeted one witness. “The ‘flaite’ of Banderas and Agustinas was pretty well-bruised.”
Just in time for the US holiday of Thanksgiving, social media users were also treated to pictures of the would-be thief’s plastic-wrapped rear end, oddly reminiscent of a prize turkey.
Citizens may have good reason to deal out rough justice by themselves. Although levels of public confidence in the Carabineros, at 56 percent, far outstrip their trust in Chile’s political class, recent police figures reveal that some 93 percent of robberies in the first half of 2014 — some 166,000 cases in total — went without any resulting arrests.
The young male was in the process of robbing an elderly man at knifepoint when nearby Santiagueños intervened and took a peculiar form of revenge.
In scenes recalling the public stocks of old, social media was abuzz with pictures of the unfortunate robber, branded “flaite” (“white trash”) by Twitter users. Stripped near-naked, he was tied to a lamppost and exposed to the mockery of passersby.“This ‘flaite’ assaulted and put a knife to an old man’s neck. He struggled, but a group of men grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground,” one witness told press.
“They took the knife off him, slashed his clothes and tied him to a pole with plastic,” she added.
A crowd soon assembled and tweeted triumphant photos and jibes, with the Carabineros — Chile’s uniformed police — taking over 20 minutes to arrive on the scene.
“I feel proud of people today,” tweeted one witness. “The ‘flaite’ of Banderas and Agustinas was pretty well-bruised.”
Just in time for the US holiday of Thanksgiving, social media users were also treated to pictures of the would-be thief’s plastic-wrapped rear end, oddly reminiscent of a prize turkey.
Citizens may have good reason to deal out rough justice by themselves. Although levels of public confidence in the Carabineros, at 56 percent, far outstrip their trust in Chile’s political class, recent police figures reveal that some 93 percent of robberies in the first half of 2014 — some 166,000 cases in total — went without any resulting arrests.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
You May Be a Muslim - Jeff Foxworthy
Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:
1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, You may be a Muslim.
2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes, You may be a Muslim.
3. If you have more wives than teeth, You may be a Muslim.
4. If you wipe your bottom with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean,
You may be a Muslim.
5. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim
6. If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against,
You may be a Muslim.
7. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing,
You may be a Muslim.
8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, You may be a Muslim.
9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four,
You may be a Muslim.
10. If your cousin is President of the United States
You may be a Muslim.
1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, You may be a Muslim.
2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes, You may be a Muslim.
3. If you have more wives than teeth, You may be a Muslim.
4. If you wipe your bottom with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean,
You may be a Muslim.
5. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim
6. If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against,
You may be a Muslim.
7. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing,
You may be a Muslim.
8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, You may be a Muslim.
9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four,
You may be a Muslim.
10. If your cousin is President of the United States
You may be a Muslim.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
'Candidates Needed for Labour Party, IQ Optional'
Like any left wing political party, Britain’s Labour party attracts some somewhat outrageous people as candidates for election. Right wing parties have the same affliction.
But in Britain this week a few Labour Party candidates stood out among their peers, making it obvious that having an IQ at all is optional to be a Labour Party candidate.
Jed Sullivan, the Labour candidate for Fylde, Lancashire, was scolded for quipping about gay people, women and Liverpudlians on Twitter.
A post dating from June 2012 said: “I’m all for gay adoption, gay men would make brilliant dads. They know where all the best parks are.”
Remember, this is the Labour Party which supports gay rights.
He had also joked: “Today is International Women’s Day. It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready” and: “Just got the scouse (Liverpool English or Merseyside English) version of Cluedo (Clue). It was all of them.”
Prospective parliamentary candidate for Dwyfor Meirionnydd in Wales, Mary Griffiths Clarke, likened the Conservative Party to the Nazis.
Ms Griffiths Clarke, whose Twitter bio says “Animal Farm was a warning, not a roadmap”, told her followers: “The Nazis gassed their victims, this government are pushing disabled to kill themselves. It HAS to stop.”
The candidate winning the ‘least likely to have an IQ’ award is Vicky Kirby. According to the Sunday Times, Labour’s candidate for Woking, said Hitler might be the “Zionist God”, in a series of comments made on her Twitter account.
She is reported to have posted: “We invented Israel when saving them from Hitler, who now seems to be their teacher,” while another said: “I will never forget and I will make sure my kids teach their children how evil Israel is!”
Another tweet read: “Apparently you can ask IS/ISIS/ISIL questions onask.fm. Anyone thought of asking them why they’re not attacking the real oppressors #Israel?” She would seriously prefer the murderous, genocidal IS to the democratic state of Israel? I'm not sure this woman should be allowed out in public, let alone run as a candidate for parliament. 'Stupid beyond belief' comes to mind, but may be less than adequate a term to describe her.
A party Spokesperson told The Independent: “Vicki Kirby has been suspended as a Labour candidate. Jed Sullivan and Mary Griffiths Clark have apologised for any offence they have caused and have been reminded of their responsibilities as Labour candidates.”
Jed Sullivan deleted his Twitter account.
But in Britain this week a few Labour Party candidates stood out among their peers, making it obvious that having an IQ at all is optional to be a Labour Party candidate.
Jed Sullivan, the Labour candidate for Fylde, Lancashire, was scolded for quipping about gay people, women and Liverpudlians on Twitter.
Remember, this is the Labour Party which supports gay rights.
He had also joked: “Today is International Women’s Day. It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready” and: “Just got the scouse (Liverpool English or Merseyside English) version of Cluedo (Clue). It was all of them.”
Prospective parliamentary candidate for Dwyfor Meirionnydd in Wales, Mary Griffiths Clarke, likened the Conservative Party to the Nazis.
Ms Griffiths Clarke, whose Twitter bio says “Animal Farm was a warning, not a roadmap”, told her followers: “The Nazis gassed their victims, this government are pushing disabled to kill themselves. It HAS to stop.”
The candidate winning the ‘least likely to have an IQ’ award is Vicky Kirby. According to the Sunday Times, Labour’s candidate for Woking, said Hitler might be the “Zionist God”, in a series of comments made on her Twitter account.
She is reported to have posted: “We invented Israel when saving them from Hitler, who now seems to be their teacher,” while another said: “I will never forget and I will make sure my kids teach their children how evil Israel is!”
A party Spokesperson told The Independent: “Vicki Kirby has been suspended as a Labour candidate. Jed Sullivan and Mary Griffiths Clark have apologised for any offence they have caused and have been reminded of their responsibilities as Labour candidates.”
Jed Sullivan deleted his Twitter account.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
India Police Charge Toddler for 'Coercion and Intimidation'
Two policemen are to be suspended for charging a one-year-old child with "coercion" ahead of a by-election in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh.
A police report noted that "10-12-month-old Nazim", and his father Yasin, could disrupt the peace of the poll.
Police often prepare lists of potential trouble-makers and criminals ahead of local elections and send them to the relevant authorities and courts.
Correspondents say the incident has caused outrage in the area.
Senior police official Gulab Singh told BBC Hindi's Salman Ravi that policemen in the Thakurdwara police station in Moradabad had filed the report.
"We have already initiated departmental proceedings against the concerned police officials who are to be suspended by this [Thursday] evening," Mr Singh said.
"It is now clear that the police officials did not visit the area and prepared their report on just hearsay without verifying facts. We have taken the matter very seriously and are ensuring such incidents do not happen in the future."
In 2011, a five-year-old boy in Bihar state was charged with disrupting the peace during village council elections.
Police later said it was a case of mistaken identity and they meant to charge his elder brother with disorderly conduct.
And in 2006, the Bihar police charged a six-year-old girl with attacking them and helping her father escape from police custody.
This was despite the fact that under Indian law, the police cannot file a criminal case against a child below seven years of age.
I guess we can't count on any rocket scientists coming out of the ranks of India's police force.
A police report noted that "10-12-month-old Nazim", and his father Yasin, could disrupt the peace of the poll.
Police often prepare lists of potential trouble-makers and criminals ahead of local elections and send them to the relevant authorities and courts.
Correspondents say the incident has caused outrage in the area.
Senior police official Gulab Singh told BBC Hindi's Salman Ravi that policemen in the Thakurdwara police station in Moradabad had filed the report.
 |
| Scottish Garden, Moradabad, India |
"It is now clear that the police officials did not visit the area and prepared their report on just hearsay without verifying facts. We have taken the matter very seriously and are ensuring such incidents do not happen in the future."
In 2011, a five-year-old boy in Bihar state was charged with disrupting the peace during village council elections.
Police later said it was a case of mistaken identity and they meant to charge his elder brother with disorderly conduct.
And in 2006, the Bihar police charged a six-year-old girl with attacking them and helping her father escape from police custody.
This was despite the fact that under Indian law, the police cannot file a criminal case against a child below seven years of age.
I guess we can't count on any rocket scientists coming out of the ranks of India's police force.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Every Man in North Korea Must Get Kim Jong Un Haircut
This story is quite possibly untrue, but a fun read anyway.
North Korea leader Kim Jong Un just amped up his capacity for hair-raising hilarity.
From now on, according to the Korea Times, when men in the Hermit Kingdom slide into the barber chair, they are only allowed to have one ’do done: the “Dear Leader Kim Jong Un.”
Kim’s hairdo lockdown means that men have gone from 10 approved styles to one. (Update: Some North Korea experts have challenged the veracity of the story.)
Now, a young fella like Kim can get away with his unconventional look. The sides of the head are buzzed while the top of the head is a mop of sometimes centrally parted hair. But it’s guaranteed to look hideous on everyone else, especially since it screams, “I lost a bet.” Also, that Kim has a secret police and a propensity for cold-blooded murder of the disloyal means resistance is futile.
But never fear, Ladies of the Hermit Kingdom! Your 18 approved ’dos remain in effect, including distinctions between the coiffeurs of the married and the unmarried. “This also has the useful effect of establishing whether a woman is married or not at a glance,” the Taiwan-based Want China Times website cleverly reported last year. “If you like it, then you should have put some curlers in it, to paraphrase Beyonce.”
North Korea leader Kim Jong Un just amped up his capacity for hair-raising hilarity.
From now on, according to the Korea Times, when men in the Hermit Kingdom slide into the barber chair, they are only allowed to have one ’do done: the “Dear Leader Kim Jong Un.”
 |
| Kim Jong Un |
Now, a young fella like Kim can get away with his unconventional look. The sides of the head are buzzed while the top of the head is a mop of sometimes centrally parted hair. But it’s guaranteed to look hideous on everyone else, especially since it screams, “I lost a bet.” Also, that Kim has a secret police and a propensity for cold-blooded murder of the disloyal means resistance is futile.
But never fear, Ladies of the Hermit Kingdom! Your 18 approved ’dos remain in effect, including distinctions between the coiffeurs of the married and the unmarried. “This also has the useful effect of establishing whether a woman is married or not at a glance,” the Taiwan-based Want China Times website cleverly reported last year. “If you like it, then you should have put some curlers in it, to paraphrase Beyonce.”
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Model X Ford, The Prodigal Beebs, No Wonder Canadians are Humble, eh
Ever wonder why Canadians are so humble? Could it be because the best of us often turn out to be the worst of us?
Justin Bieber, the most popular musician in the world right now, was someone who many Canadians were proud of. But several embarrassing incidents have occurred in the past several months to temper that pride including today's arrest for DUI, drag racing, etc., in Florida.
Last year, the Beebs got off-track and on drugs and followed in the footsteps of those prodigal daughters Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus.
Once proud examples of Christianity, all three have taken their God-given talents and ventured far and wide from Christian virtues.
Britney may be on her way back 'home', I don't know, but the other two haven't realized that they are heading straight for the pig pen. Let's hope and pray that when they get there they will wake up before the pigs trample them.
I can't think of any other Canadian rock-star who embarrassed himself publicly, although the Beebs is undoubtedly the youngest.
Not so with the other object of Canadian embarrassment, Rob Ford, rock-star mayor of Toronto, Canada's biggest city. He gets more attention on American late-night talk shows than the President.
He was back in the news yesterday after apparently falling off the wagon and delivering a vulgar and absurd performance at a fast-food joint where he was visiting with his mobster buddy. What could possibly be wrong with that?
While Ford has contributed greatly to the great Canadian humility, he, unlike the Beebs is not without precedent. A former mayor of Toronto, Mel Lastman, didn't have a problem with alcohol or drugs (that I know of), but managed to embarrass Torontonians and Canadians with remarkable ingenuity.
You can read his antics at: http://northwoodsministries.blogspot.ca/2013/11/forget-rob-ford-remember-mel-lastman.html
Hope you enjoyed this. If not, sorry.
Justin Bieber, the most popular musician in the world right now, was someone who many Canadians were proud of. But several embarrassing incidents have occurred in the past several months to temper that pride including today's arrest for DUI, drag racing, etc., in Florida.
Last year, the Beebs got off-track and on drugs and followed in the footsteps of those prodigal daughters Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus.Once proud examples of Christianity, all three have taken their God-given talents and ventured far and wide from Christian virtues.
Britney may be on her way back 'home', I don't know, but the other two haven't realized that they are heading straight for the pig pen. Let's hope and pray that when they get there they will wake up before the pigs trample them.
I can't think of any other Canadian rock-star who embarrassed himself publicly, although the Beebs is undoubtedly the youngest.
 |
| Rob Ford |
 |
| Mel Lastman |
While Ford has contributed greatly to the great Canadian humility, he, unlike the Beebs is not without precedent. A former mayor of Toronto, Mel Lastman, didn't have a problem with alcohol or drugs (that I know of), but managed to embarrass Torontonians and Canadians with remarkable ingenuity.
You can read his antics at: http://northwoodsministries.blogspot.ca/2013/11/forget-rob-ford-remember-mel-lastman.html
Hope you enjoyed this. If not, sorry.
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